To Beau, With Love

I am with love. Deep within my soul-
Eating away at the veins that make my heart grow weak
and stern like stone. A love so catastrophic,
Shakespeare's way with words,
couldn't compare to the stars I severed into the night
that formed the frame of your existence once placed back into the sky.
Into my life.

I am with love. Deep within my bones-
White with purity and stained with red of passion. Fury,
and compassion. A love so literary,
Percy Shelley's poetic flow,
couldn't compare to the brightness I stole from the sun
that I placed into my heart that ignited the flame-less candle
I ceased to endure. When you stepped there.
Into my life.

I am with love. Deep within my heart-
Pounding furiously to the beat of my internal song of want. Engaged,
and blithe. A love so esoteric,
John Keats' affectation,
couldn't compare to the hunger for ardor I sought from the wind
that I inhaled into my lungs, reviving the extinct essence of my whole.
Into my life.

I am with love. Deep within my blood-
Flowing madly like a stream between my channels. A rush of thickness,
harsh and inviting. A love so fleeting and harmonious,
Beethoven's symphony,
couldn't compare to the melodic flow of your heart beat,
trapped in my ears and released from my lips,
the night my heart sang a song of bliss. Almost as beautiful as your eyes.
And you came. Into my life.

With love.

By Me

Feel.

<3

Running, running as fast as you can. Do you think you'll make it?

Yesterday was the last day of week 5 of half marathon training. I ran a total of 10 miles yesterday, the most I have ever run in 1 day. Before this, the most I ever ran was 9 miles and change. My calves were on fire after mile 7 and they felt strained, but I kept on going. Mental stamina was in check. So far, everything has been working out great. I take my 3 days off a week and I have been following my training schedule almost to the T. Almost. But no complaints otherwise. It's difficult to juggle teaching 8-3pm and then going for a run. It's difficult, yes, but I do it. I do it because I love it.

The training schedule goes up to week 10, but I am going to continue this since my half-marathon is April 2nd in NY and by the time I finish week 10, it will be January. I will be running my normal 5ks and will be adding some 5 mile runs, 10ks, etc. for the extra training. A little extra goes a long way.

I couldn't be any happier with my progress and I have been working so hard to maintain my mental and physical stamina. Hoping for no injuries and anticipating the best to come.

I have learned that running not only gives me the confidence I lack at times, but it also gives me mental clarity and a sense of direction. When I run, I imagine myself running to a place of pure bliss. A place where I see nothing but light, smell nothing but clean air and feel nothing by warmth and the hot sun beating down my back. Even in harsh weather conditions such as these (and it's just the beginning), you have to get up every morning, do what you have to do and remember, you don't become better by saying, "I'll do it tomorrow." You get better by saying "Today was great, and I can't wait for the next time."

Thank You, Eber & Wein Publishing

So I would like to announce that I am Happy.
Not only am I Happy, but I am this much closer to success.
With every poem I write and story I create, and with every writing contest I enter and every book I publish, I become that much more happier, successful and most importantly, sure of my talent.

A few months ago, maybe around August, I entered some poetry contests and story contests. I entered one of my poems, 7:10 AM - a poem about a schizophrenic woman I had encountered some years ago. I entered this contest without any expectations. About a month or 2 ago I received a letter in the mail stating that I made it to the semi-finals. This EXCITED me in ways I can't even seem to remember. Well, today I spent the entire day Black Friday shopping for some Christmas gifts. I come home and my mom hands me an envelope with my name on it and the name "Eber & Wein Publishing" up top. The first thing that came to my mind was one those I'm-sorry-you-didn't-make-the-final-cut kind of letters (which I have gotten before) and I nonchalantly open it and to my dismay it said:

Congratulations! Your poem "7:10 AM" is a Second Prize winnrer in out most recent contest! This is a remarkable accomplishment of which you should be very proud, as your poem stood out among the thousands of entries we received....

All I can say is one word: CORONARY! I think I gave myself one because I jumped up and down and screamed and ran around and... was just flabergasted. I am SO incredibly happy. I won a prize check, my poem will be published in their anthology AND I get a personally engraved 2nd Place wall plaque mailed to me in 6-8 weeks. What an accomplishment, is right!

I thank my family for their support and for reminding me every day of my life that I am an amazing writer and to never give up my dream because it's written in the stars that this is what I was meant to do in this lifetime; write.

I thank my very few and close friends who have stuck by me and have also supported me in buying my book and telling me how much they can't wait for me to make it big because they believe in me. And I will.

I thank Eber & Wein Publishing for giving me such an opportunity to show the world that I love what I create and for giving me a chance to share that with other people. You guys rock!

And I thank myself - I thank myself for the determination in my heart, for having such a brain (that was blessed with my parents) and the ability it has to make me such a great writer and thinker, and for my ability to strive forward and follow my dreams no matter what. I believe in me. Always have. Always will.

I LOVE MY LIFE <3

No Guts, No Glory

"I tell our runners to divide the race into thirds, run the first part with your head, the middle with your personality, and the last part with your heart."

Everyday that I run, I run with my heart beating outside of my chest and my mind in the clouds; focusing on every beat my heart makes silently behind the music. Unbeknownst to me, I have learned after running for 10 years that it's all in your mind. Mental Stamina. Essential to every successful and motivated runner who runs not because he or she wants to see who is the fastest, but because he or she wants to see who has the most guts. Not everyone can run. Those who can, build up strength in their feet, courage in their lungs, determination in their heart, and heart in their minds.

George S. Patton, U.S. Army General, 1912 Olympian once said:

"Now if you are going to win any battle you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. The body will always give up. It is always tired in the morning, noon, and night. But the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

Today was my first day training for a half-marathon. I have a great love for my 5k races, but I know I have it in me to be greater than that. I'm running against myself - against the best that's in me.

I wanted to share my 10-week half-marathon training schedule incase you (the reader) might be interested as well. Follow me on my journey - I will be posting here to let you know how the remaining 10-weeks follow. Not only am I confident, but I have LOTS of heart. It grows deep and strong inside my chest and pulsates with every breath I take as my feet hit the ground in audacity.

Runners unite.


10-Week Half Marathon Training Schedule

Week 1:
Mon - 3 mi, Tues- Rest, Wed- 3 mi, Thurs- 3 mi, Fri- Rest, Sat- 4 mi, Sun- Rest. Total = 13

Week 2:
Mon - 3 mi, Tues- Rest, Wed- 4 mi, Thurs- 3 mi, Fri- Rest, Sat- 5 mi, Sun- Rest. Total = 15

Week 3:
Mon - 3 mi, Tues- Rest, Wed- 4 mi, Thurs- 3 mi, Fri- Rest, Sat- 6 mi, Sun- Rest. Total = 16

Week 4:
Mon - 3 mi, Tues- Rest, Wed- 5 mi, Thurs- 3 mi, Fri- Rest, Sat- 8 mi, Sun- Rest. Total = 19

Week 5:
Mon - 3 mi, Tues- Rest, Wed- 5 mi, Thurs- 3 mi, Fri- Rest, Sat- 10 mi, Sun- Rest. Total = 21

Week 6:
Mon - 4 mi, Tues- Rest, Wed- 5 mi, Thurs- 4 mi, Fri- Rest, Sat- 11 mi, Sun- Rest. Total = 24

Week 7:
Mon - 4 mi, Tues- Rest, Wed- 6 mi, Thurs- 4 mi, Fri- Rest, Sat- 12 mi, Sun- Rest. Total = 26

Week 8:
Mon - 4 mi, Tues- Rest, Wed- 5 mi, Thurs- 4 mi, Fri- Rest, Sat- 9 mi, Sun- Rest. Total = 22

Week 9:
Mon - 3 mi, Tues- Rest, Wed- 4 mi, Thurs- 3 mi, Fri- Rest, Sat- 8 mi, Sun- Rest. Total = 18

Week 10:
Mon - 3 mi, Tues- Rest, Wed- 3 mi, Thurs- Walk 2, Fri- Rest, Sat- 13.1 mi, Sun- Rest. Total = 21.1


I plan on running the NYC Marathon next November 2011. Excited isn't even the feeling.

She's a Wallflower

So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.






I have to stop writing now because I am too sad.

Brought to you by... Dollface Betty Designs!

Lovers!

I am here to personally tell you that I have officially opened up my own store where I have hand-painted and decorated Day of the Dead skulls for sale. I have put my blood and sweat into these bad boys... okay, no blood (this time), but definitely hard work and I am PROUD to say that I, as an artist, would like to share my creation with YOU. Please take in account that these are one of a kind and no two are alike. Also, feel free to e-mail me if you would like an custom made skulls. I have sold a few and have been asked to work on various projects based on my skills that I am very much looking forward to working on. I hope you enjoy, and please check back every now and then for some brand new designs.

xoxo

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This Longing

America, how you are older than the heartbeat.
And how I long to see more of you.

All That I am After...

I've come to the realization that what truly makes me happy is finding happiness in every little thing that I take part in. Whether it's the kaleidoscope of colors flashing in the dark to the beat of the music kick starting my heart, or the sound of laughter ringing through my ears louder than any conversation I can hear inside of a crowded restaurant, near. It's what makes these perma-lines on my face surrounding my eyes and lips come to life when every muscle senses its time to come together, when I am happy - extraordinaire. No poison-induced injection or animal fat-filled cream will ever stop these lines from forming because when I am old and grey, I will look in the mirror and say, "That is the epitome of happy." These freckles brown will slowly fade into my pouted frown and from behind my murky eyes ascend the nights of teenage disguise, and it will be then that I will recognize that my whole life was filled with me, and him, and them, and her, and everyone I ever allowed to see my eyes minimize and teeth shine. If I can count the lifeless souls I've seen wander the streets all hours of the day in snow and rain and sunshine bright, I'd forget to count past 807. I've learned to love with a love that is more than love - a strangers smile, a friends embrace, an admirers voice, my own reflection, lifes perfection. A time in the shower to swallow shampoo that tastes like the sound of that days true hue, embracing my soul - cleansing my internal need to flow like a river deep, hoping for a life full of laughter with you.

He Let Me Get Away

I stood in the street as you drove right through me
Held my hand up to make you stop
But you only saw the twisted lights
Against the black back drop

I tried to find you in your lonely, white bedroom
Followed your scent into the bed
But your body faced the other way
Pretending to be dead

I stood in your shower as you washed off the day
Wrapped my arms around you tight
But you only felt the water, cool
And not my heart ignite

I'll stay until you tell me to go and we can hit this road at 3
Just know that I am here for you so you can break apart on me

I sat by your car under the tree where you park
Waited for you to pick me up
But you climbed inside your vehicle
And drove off in a rush

I sat in the back seat so my reflection showed
Sang your song in whispers, deep
But you played your music louder
And I watched me drown in weeps

I stood in the runway as you stood behind glass
Watched the airplanes take their flight
But you thought of me inside the plane
And wished that you could fly

I'll stay until you tell me to go and we can hit this road at 3
Just know that I am here for you so you can break apart on me

I'll stay until you tell me to leave and we can catch a ride for free
Just know that I am here for you so you can cry upon my knee

I'll stay until you tell me good-bye and we can run away or flea
Just know that I am here for you so you can fall apart on me

What it's like...

1:24:15 am i crawl into bed.
1:25:52 am i turn over and kiss your cheek.
1:26:01 am you smile in your sleep.
1:26:45 am you mouth "i love you"
1:27:00 am i smile
1:30:13 am i kiss you.
1:30:14 am you kiss me back.
1:31:22 am i get comfortable and lay my head on your back.
1:31:25 am i wrap my arm around your waist.
1:31:40 am you sigh.
1:40:01 am i feel you breathe.
2:00:01 am i continue to move up and down.
2:02:30 am i smile.
2:04:22 am i blink slowly.
2:05:18 am i sigh.
2:05:28 am you snore.
2:06:50 am you stop.
2:07:38 am i fall asleep.
5:01:23 am you awake.
5:02:03 am i roll off of you.
5:05:49 am you watch me sleep.
5:06:02 am you kiss my nose.
5:07:11 am i open my eyes.
5:07:20 am you look into my eyes.
5:08:00 am i look back into yours.
5:08:33 am you kiss me.
5:08:41 am i kiss you back.
5:09:09 am we kiss each other.
5:10:50 am we stop.
5:11:33 am i blink back tears.
5:12:40 am you ask "what's wrong?"
5:13:44 am i say "i'm happy"
5:14:06 am you wipe my tears.
5:15:22 am i pull you in.
5:16:31 am i kiss your chin.
5:17:13 am you pull me in.
5:18:00 am we spoon.
5:19:49 am i say your name.
5:20:41 am you say, "yes?"
5:21:29 am i say, "i love you."
5:23:29 am you hold me tighter.
5:24:58 am i fall asleep.
5:25:00 am you say, "i love you too"

Regret Number 23.

Dear _____,

She hated the way I snapped.
I broke her with my words in half like a pretzel.
A stale, saltless one at that.
One no one wanted to eat. Good for her.

She hated the way I cracked.
I tore at her with my thoughts like a tornado.
A musty, murky water grey.
One that hates and doesn't care. Fine with me.

She hated the way I lied.
I crucified her with my hands on the keypad.
A broken, dirty fingernail black.
One that looks like diseased grime. You deserve it.

She hated the way I cried.
I hollered at her like a newborn baby, dying.
A bruise of green and purple too.
One no one wanted to look at or hold. I'm used to it.

She hated the way I hated.
I looked at her with lonely eyes of a starving child, hypnotized.
An internally bleeding shade of red.
One that looks like a beatless heart. I regretted giving that away.

My Book is Published - Thank You, Lulu!

I've done it! My book, Down the Rabbit Hole, has finally been self-published and I am extremely proud to say that after working (hard) on this since last year, it is finally done and can be bought online. Thanks to Lulu, I was able to compile my poetry book, come up with an amazing cover using my ideas and pay a professional to make it into something unique, creative and just... my own. I've always been a firm believer of getting ANYTHING I want as long as I work hard toward it and believe in myself. I believe in myself and KNOW that I can strive and become someone amazing. Someone that people can acknowledge and say, "She is a diligent young woman who has come a long way... just look at her." Coming from someone... anyone... it means a lot to me.

I want to thank...

My family and close friends (who are my second family - you know who you are) for all of their love and support. Without you there by my side cheering me on, I wouldn't have been able to go through with this.

My supporters and believers for seeing something in me that I didn't/don't see.

Those who have survived and who are celebrating life in another world... there's more to life than just living, and you have proved yourself to be worthy. Leave your mark. You'll be noticed. I promise. You will be remembered, always.

If you are interested in buying my book, I would greatly appreciate it. It has nothing to do with the money. I don't care about the money. It's the message I am trying to put across to the world and the issues that people face every single day that need to be addressed. People struggle and fall through rabbit holes of disease, poverty, depression, addiction, isolation, etc... some come out alive, and some don't. It's a journey... a long, painful journey. Embark on it.

Here is where you can buy my book:



Tell your friends and family. Thanks again!!!